Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things That Bother Me More Than They Should

1. Supermarket Check-Out Lines - My cart is full. I approach the check-out, quickly perusing the other carts in the lines and the people behind them, looking for the people that look as determined as me to get out of here in the fastest way possible. I commit to my line and, in my head, start cheering for us, "GO, GO, GO!" Things seem to be moving well. Then, I hear "I think that's supposed to be on sale." Cashier says "No, it's not." Customer insists. Then, over the PA system, I hear those dreaded words "Price check in lane 5." NOOOOOO! PS. I do use the self check-outs when I don't have a lot of items. When I've done it with my weekly shopping, inevitably there's a problem with something that requires store personnel involvement. Kind of defeats the purpose, in my eyes.
2. Ordering at the Deli Counter - Approach; take a number (used to be that machine that gave you those little pink tickets, now we have some computer that we push a button and THAT prints the ticket. Wow! How we've evolved.) I get very antsy waiting there. And there always seems to be one kid behind the counter wearing that attractive paper hat (what is the purpose of that hat? ), who is standing there either just watching the action or making goofy comments to his friends. Finally, my store has put in a kiosk where you can order online when you get there. do your shopping and pick it up before you check-out. Kudos to the person who thought of this.
3. Discontinued items. I finally find a lipstick that I love and am loyal to it for years and then one day, it's not there. Where did it go? In it's usual spot, there's some irridescent purple hue that maybe I could wear on Halloween. My hearts stops. No, it couldn't be. I ask the make-up "expert" behind the counter, some 20-something with perfect skin who wasn't even born yet when my color was introduced. And she gives me the bad news. I go home and check on the manufacturer's website and, it's gone for good, to make room for new, "youthful" shades. Just another thing that makes me feel like an old dinosaur, slowly becoming extinct.
4. Nail salons. Like most nail salons today, the one I go to is owned and operated by Korean women. They've very nice and friendly and I like the ambience of their salon - pretty flowers, little thingys placed around with running water to relax my tired mind. However, when they start talking & laughing among themselves in their native language, my insecurities arise and I just know that they're talking about me. I understand that, in the mental health profession, this has come to be known as "Elaine Benes Syndrome."
5. Fake Security - You're attending a sports or music event and have to wait in line so that "security" (some kid who alternates between security and selling popcorn) can "search" your bag. You finally reach the checkpoint, "security" glances in and maybe touches whatever is on top and you're good to go. I can't blame them; I wouldn't want to put my hands in some stranger's bag either. But it's become kind of a game for me. I always try to smuggle in some banned substance from the outside (like my own bottle of water; I'm such a rebel) and I'm proud to say, I haven't been caught yet.
6. Gridlock - Who are these assholes? I'm stopped at a light, waiting to cross an intersection of a highway heading to Sandy Hook on a hot, Saturday morning. You can see ahead that the highway is backed up for miles. But there's always some jerk that just has to get through that intersection before the light turns red. What are these idiots (New Yorkers) thinking?? My light now turns green and this guy's rear end is blocking my way. Go home, you Bennie. (NJ colloquialism for a non-year-round resident of the Shore).
7. Papercuts - How can one little cut hurt so damn much?
8. Building Temperatures - The temperature in my office is in direct opposition to the temperature outside. In the winter, I have to wear short sleeves because they have the heat blasting and, now that the warm weather is here, it's freezing. And of course, there's no such thing as fresh air because there isn't a window that can be opened. When and why did that become standard for all new office buildings?? I suppose someone convinced someone that this is energy efficient (I guess no one thought of how unhealthy it is). However, companies could save money on heating/cooling costs, particularly in spring/fall, when heat and ac aren't necessary if you can open some windows!!!
9. Stupid Inventions - If you've ever turned on the tv at 3AM, I know you've seen commercials for some of the most idiotic things. Who are these people who invented them and more importantly, who are the people that buy them? Actually, I think these piss me off because I'm angry because I didn't think of it. (Although I must come clean, I'm a proud owner of a Snuggie and I love it!)
10. Hiccups - Enough said.
11. Over-Friendly Servers - "Hi, my name is Chelsea and I'm going to be your server tonight." I just don't like this approach. I've had servers pull up a chair and sit to explain the specials. Just get my order right and check back on a regular basis to make sure we're good.
12. Women's Clothing Sizes - My husband knows his size. He never has to try anything on. Men's slacks are sold by height and waist-size. Makes sense. Women sizes are 8, 10, 12, etc. and that's broken down into Juniors, Misses, Petites, and Women. I have slacks in my closet that range from 8 to 12, petite, junior and misses, and they all fit. And it rarely fails - if I buy something without trying on, it will NOT fit.
13. Businesses that Hire Employees Who Can't Speak English - I don't care if these people work behind the scenes. But, why in the world would a company hire someone to deal with their customers who doesn't have command of the English language? If I want to play Charades, I'll get together with my friends on Saturday night!!


  1. Oh I love this! Hiccups will enrage me, people think that I am being irrational, but I can't stand them!

  2. A great read. I especially agree with you about papercuts and building temperatures (where I work it's cold all year round as the air conditioning's set to keep the computers happy rather than the humans).

  3. Woman, I'm right there with ya! Except for the Bennies, but that's only because I used to bitch about the bennies, and then I moved to Texas, and I'd rather have the bennies back. YE-AH. Eyeroll!!! And the customer service thing OMG! Did you know, (I know cause I was here when it happened, and I still can't believe it!) there was a town here by Houston that had on the ballot an initiative to make ENGLISH the official language for city offices (ie, city hall, and the chamber of commerce, that type of thing) so that at least ONE employee would be on duty at all times that could speak English. It Did Not Pass. Deep Breaths, Aria. Deep. Breaths.

  4. I relate to MUCH of what you've shared here ... wonderful idea for a T-13 ;--)
    Hugs and blessings,

  5. I can't believe you own a Snuggie. I laugh my ass off every time I see that commercial. Do you really like a monk when you wear it? Have you considered bringing it to a sporting event as shown in the commercial? I bet it would be handy in sneaking water bottles in though. I thought your post was hilarious. I'll be thinking of it when I am getting my pedicure tomorrow and the Korean ladies are talking about me.

  6. Bumbles - Yes, I own a Snuggie, but I've never worn it out. Although, with our office temps dropping rapidly, they are becoming quite de riguer in our office.

  7. I gave you the splash award!