My WTF Birthday

WARNING! THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG....AND THE CAPS ARE INTENTIONAL.

WHY DO WE CELEBRATE EVERY STINKIN' BIRTHDAY WE HAVE? I MEAN, WHAT DID WE DO THAT WARRANTS A CELEBRATION? WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT SHOW UP IN THIS WORLD ON SOME RANDOM DAY. I ALWAYS HAVE THOUGHT THAT THE PERSON WHO SHOULD BE CELEBRATED ON THE DAY WE WERE BORN IS OUR MOTHERS. THEY DID ALL THE WORK THAT DAY. WE WOULDN'T NEED A MOTHER'S DAY. THE ANNIVERSARY OF OUR BIRTH WOULD BE HER DAY.
OF COURSE, THERE MIGHT BE ROOM FOR A FEW EXCEPTIONS:

AGES 1-16 GO AHEAD. HAVE FUN. GET PRESENTS, HAVE CAKE AND ICE CREAM, BALLOONS, THE WORKS. MOM WOULD BE HAPPY TO SHARE HER DAY WITH YOU.
AGE 21 SUPPOSEDLY A MILESTONE BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU BECOME AN ADULT. THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE AN ADULT IS NOW, FOR MOST OF US, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS, YOU CAN BE SUED AND IF YOU'RE CONVICTED OF A CRIME, IT'S HARD TIME FOR YOU, NO MORE JU-VEE. YOU DON'T SUDDENLY MATURE OVERNIGHT. TRUST ME.
AGE 50 AND EVERY 10 YEARS AFTER - FORGET 30 OR 40, BY THE TIME YOU TURN 50, YOU'VE LIVED LONG ENOUGH AND DEALT WITH ENOUGH THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO CELEBRATE. TURNING 30 OR 40 ISN'T ENOUGH LIFE EXPERIENCE TO ALLOW CELEBRATIONS.

HAVING SAID THAT, YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY (NEVER MIND WHICH ONE). THE PLAN WAS TO SPEND THE DAY DOING ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS, ATTENDING A METS GAME. MY PLAN WAS TO CATCH THE 1:23PM TRAIN TO PENN STATION WHICH WOULD GET US IN TO CONNECT WITH THE LIRR TRAIN THAT WOULD GET US TO CITIFIELD AROUND 3:20P, PLENTY OF TJME TO GET OURSELVES SETTLED IN OUR SEATS FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AND THE 4:10PM START. IT WAS RAINING, SO WHETHER THE GAME WOULD BE PLAYED AT ALL WAS IN QUESTION. BUT, UNLESS WE HEARD OTHRWISE, WE WERE STICKING TO THE PLAN. THAT IS, UNTIL ABOUT 30 MINUTES BEFORE WE NEEDED TO LEAVE FOR THE STATION, THE LSH BROKE HIS GLASSES. HE FOUND AN OLD PAIR AND STARTED TO TRY AND REFURBISH HIS CURRENT GLASSES WITH PARTS OF THE OLD PAIR. I HONESTLY WAS NOT PUTTING ANY PRESSURE ON HIM, BUT AS THE MINUTES TICKED BY, HE WAS GETTING FRUSTRATED AND NOT SO MILD EXPLETIVES FLOWED FROM HIS MOUTH, OUT THE WINDOW AND, I'M CERTAIN, THROUGH THE WINDOW OF THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS. BEING THE SAINT I AM, I TOLD HIM TO CALM DOWN; WE COULD CATCH THE NEXT TRAIN. WE WOULD ONLY BE JIST A LITTLE LATE (WHICH, HONESTLY, I BELIEVE TO BE A MORTAL SIN. THOU SHALT NEVER MISS THE FIRST PITCH OF ANY GAME YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TICKETS. THIS WAS TAUGHT TO ME EARLY ON BY ONE OF THE NUNS I HAD IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, SISTER MARY DOUBLEDAY.
ANYWAY, TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER AND THE LSH FEEL LESS GUILTY, I SAID THAT THERE WAS A REASON IN GOD'S MASTER PLAN THAT WE WERE TAKING THE LATER TRAIN. I WAS SURE OF IT. AND IT WOULD WORK OUT GREAT.
SO WE CATCH THE NEXT TRAIN TO PENN, BUT UNFORTUNATELY MISS THE LIRR CONNECTION AND HAVE TO HANG OUT FOR ABOUT ANOTHER 1/2 HOUR. FINALLY WE GET TO CITIFIELD. I CHECK THE TICKETS AND SEE THAT THE GATE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ENTER THROUGH IS TOTALLY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STADIUM. AS IT WAS DRIZZLING, WE DECIDED TO ENTER THROUGH THE ROTUNDA AND WALK THROUGH THE STADIUM. WE MAKE OUR WAY UP TO LEVEL3 AND HEAD TOWARDS OUR SECTION - 334. GREAT. WE'RE ALMOST THERE. WE SEE SECTIONS 331, 332, 333, AND................A CEMENT WALL. WTF???? WE'RE BOTH STANDING THERE, LOST, WONDERING WHAT WE MISSED. A HELPFUL CITIFIELD EMPLOYEE SEES OUR LOST, PUZZLED EXPRESSIONS, LOOKS AT OUR TICKETS AND SAYS "OH, YOUR SEATS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE (OF WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE ACELA CLUB, THE HOITY-TOITY, CANDLES AND TABLECLOTHED, EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT). WTF??? THE ARCHITECT FIGURED THAT NOT PROVIDING A WAY AROUND THIS RESTAURANT WAS A GOOD IDEA?? YES, I KNOW, IF WE HAD ENTERED THROUGH THE GATE PRINTED ON THE TICKET, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM. BUT, DAMN IT, WE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THESE TICKETS AND WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO ENTER WHATEVER GATE WE CHOOSE!! PLUS IT WAS RAINING!! PLUS IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!! WTF???
SO, OKAY, HOW DO WE GET TO OUR SEATS? THE HELPFUL EMPLOYEE TELLS US "JUST GO BACK TO THE ESCALATOR, GO UP TWO FLOORS, WALK OVER THE RESTAURANT, KEEP WALKING UNTIL YOU FIND SOME OTHER ESCALATOR, GO DOWN TWO FLOORS AND THEN WALK BACK TOWARDS THE RESTAURANT. OUR SECTION WOULD BE RIGHT NEXT TO IT." WTF???
GREAT. SO WE DO WHAT WE'RE TOLD, FIND SECTION 334 AND HEAD TO ROW 9, SEATS 12 & 13. WE EXCUSE OURSELVES AND CLIMB OVER THE FIRST 6 PEOPLE SEATED, GET TO THE EMPTY SEATS IN THE MIDDLE, AND SEE THAT THEY'RE SEATS 18 & 19. COUNTING BACK, WE SEE THAT OUR SEATS ARE ACTUALLY THE FIRST 2 IN THE ROW, WHERE 2 GENTLEMEN WERE IGNORING US, HOPING WE WOULD DISAPPEAR. WTF??? THE LSH TOLD THEM NICELY THAT THEY WERE IN THE WRONG SEATS, WHICH THEY WERE WELL AWARE OF. IT SEEMS THEIR SEATS WERE IN ROW 1 (WHICH WASN'T UNDERNEATH THE OVERHANG AND THEREFORE, NOT PROTECTED FROM THE NASTY, COLD RAIN. BUT, THEY GENEROUSLY OFFERED US THOSE SEATS. UH, I DON'T THINK SO. I'M SURE, WHEN YOU SNAGGED THOSE FRONT ROW SEATS, YOU WERE DOING A VICTORY DANCE. WELL, GO DANCE YOUR WAY DOWN TO THOSE SUPER (AND SUPER WET) SEATS.
BY NOW, IT'S THE 3RD INNING, METS UP 1-0. THE FANS NEXT TO US GET US UP TO DATE AS TO WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING, AND I'M STARTING TO RELAX. THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS WAS TO CONTACT FELLOW BLOGGER, PREPPY IN THE CITY, WITH WHOM I HAD MADE ARRANGEMENTS TO MEET. WE HAD BEEN SENDING DIRECT TEXTS THROUGH TWITTER, WHICH HAD BEEN WORKING JUST FINE ALL DAY, INCLUDING ON THE TRAIN. I SEND HER A TEXT THAT WE'VE FINALLY ARRIVED AND I GET THIS MESSAGE "SORRY, YOU MUST HAVE JAVASCRIPT IN ORDER TO USE TWITTER. UNABLE TO SEND MESSAGE." WTF??? I HAD JAVASCRIPT BEFORE I ENTERED CITIFIELD. WHO THE HELL TOOK MY JAVASCRIPT??? WTF??
SO I TRIED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX THIS. THROUGH THE NEXT 2 INNINGS. THE LSH OFFERED TO GO ON A FOOD RUN. BY NOW, I'M READY TO SCREAM, BUT, INSTEAD OF SCREAMING, I DECIDED TO ATTEMPT TO EASE MY FRUSTRATION WITH FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD. TO HELL WITH WEIGHT WATCHERS AND THEIR NONSENSICAL POINT COUNTING; WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?? GET ME A SHACK CHEESEBURGER AND A VANILLA SHAKE. AND FRIES. AND DON'T FORGET THE KETCHUP. I BELIEVE I USED UP ALL MY POINTS FOR 2009 AND THE FIRST QUARTER OF 2010.
I STILL HADN'T FIXED MY TWITTER PROBLEM BY THE TIME THE LSH GOT BACK, SO HE TOOK OVER. FINALLY,DURING THE EIGHTH INNING, INCLUDING A RAIN DELAY, THE LSH GOT THE TWITTER GOING SOMEWHAT. BUT NOT IN TIME TO MAKE CONTACT WITH PITC AND MEET.
AND, IN KEEPING WITH THE REST OF THE DAY, THE METS LOST.
THEN, ON THE WAY HOME, I HEAR THAT THE FIRST PITCH WAS THROWN OUT BY GRETA VAN SUSTERAN. GRETA VAN SUSTERAN? WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE HAVE TO DO WITH THE METS? AND WTF IS SHE DOING HERE WITH MY BOY? WHAT A COUGAR! ALRIGHT, SHE'S JUST STANDING THERE. BUT I KNOW WHAT SHE'S THINKING.
WTF???