Closet Queen

Even though I proved my theory a few weeks ago that cleaning house is bad for your health when I threw my back out vacuuming, I decided that, having the day off, I would tackle a chore I had been delaying for a long time - cleaning out the linen closet. This closet, actually, held very few linens. It had become a "I don't know what to do with it, so I'll put it in here" closet.

It's amazing what I learn about myself when I clean out a closet. First, I am in love with the travel sizes of EVERYTHING. Every time I go away, whether it's for a long weekend or a two week journey, I head to my local Harmon's and buy up everything they have that comes in travel-size. Shampoos, conditioners, toothpaste, mouthwash, hairspray, styling gel, facial cleanser, lotions, polish remover, astringent, deodorant, sewing kits (which I have yet to ever use), purse-size tissue packs, purse-size toilet paper, Purel. I could have a garage sale and just sell what I have of this stuff and be able to retire.

I also have a HUGE stash of shampoos, conditioners, soaps, lotions, shower caps, mouthwash from every hotel I have stayed in over the last 25 years. Why do I feel the need to take this stuff home? I'm always overjoyed when housekeeping restocks the bathroom during our stay. Now I know why we've been charged overweight bag fees on the way home. For most people, their bags are heavier with treasures they've purchased for themselves and their loved ones; not me, I'm stocked up with toiletries that I will never use in 100 years (if I even had that long left).

There were things in this closet that brought back memories that I've tried so hard to forget. Bad memories. Like the Fleet enema and left-over shit (a very appropriate noun) that I had to drink for a colonoscopy. Why the hell was I saving that, you may ask. Just don't ever piss me off and you won't have to worry about it.

So, the closet is finally neat and organized. But, I'm a bit nervous. You know how you keep something around forever; then, right after you decide to throw it out, you find a need for it? I threw out that enema.