Monday, January 18, 2010

Closet Queen

Even though I proved my theory a few weeks ago that cleaning house is bad for your health when I threw my back out vacuuming, I decided that, having the day off, I would tackle a chore I had been delaying for a long time - cleaning out the linen closet. This closet, actually, held very few linens. It had become a "I don't know what to do with it, so I'll put it in here" closet.

It's amazing what I learn about myself when I clean out a closet. First, I am in love with the travel sizes of EVERYTHING. Every time I go away, whether it's for a long weekend or a two week journey, I head to my local Harmon's and buy up everything they have that comes in travel-size. Shampoos, conditioners, toothpaste, mouthwash, hairspray, styling gel, facial cleanser, lotions, polish remover, astringent, deodorant, sewing kits (which I have yet to ever use), purse-size tissue packs, purse-size toilet paper, Purel. I could have a garage sale and just sell what I have of this stuff and be able to retire.

I also have a HUGE stash of shampoos, conditioners, soaps, lotions, shower caps, mouthwash from every hotel I have stayed in over the last 25 years. Why do I feel the need to take this stuff home? I'm always overjoyed when housekeeping restocks the bathroom during our stay. Now I know why we've been charged overweight bag fees on the way home. For most people, their bags are heavier with treasures they've purchased for themselves and their loved ones; not me, I'm stocked up with toiletries that I will never use in 100 years (if I even had that long left).

There were things in this closet that brought back memories that I've tried so hard to forget. Bad memories. Like the Fleet enema and left-over shit (a very appropriate noun) that I had to drink for a colonoscopy. Why the hell was I saving that, you may ask. Just don't ever piss me off and you won't have to worry about it.

So, the closet is finally neat and organized. But, I'm a bit nervous. You know how you keep something around forever; then, right after you decide to throw it out, you find a need for it? I threw out that enema.


  1. The trick to the gathering of hotel shampoos is to wait until the maid is cleaning the bathroom next to yours and then raid her cart. You can wipe out her entire stock of stuff in 5 seconds flat!

    p.s. Really hope you don't need the enema =)

  2. LOVE the new layout! The font is large but the color is nice!