Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thursday Thirteen

I must give credit where credit is due. I got today's idea from fellow blogger Otin who stole it from "Just Jen" who stole it from....well, you get the idea.
13 Things I Will Never Do Again (in no particular order)

I will never:
1. Get married again. Now, this isn't a bad thing. I love the LSH dearly and plan on being with him until I am no more. And if, God forbid, it happens the other way, I can't imagine being able to replace him.
2. Attend a Charles Aznavour concert (don't ask).
3. Ride Medusa. I love amusement park rides, the faster, wilder, the better. EXCEPT for this one. It's the most physically painful ride I've ever ridden. Your head gets banged side to side, your body thrown all over. I swear, a smart chiropractor should stand just outside the exit and hand out business cards. He could take an early retirement.
4. Work for an airline. A lot of people check their brains and their civility when they check their bags. Even good church-going folk forget their upbringing and turn into insane, foul-mouthed animals at the airport, screaming and cursing at poorly paid and overworked employees because they can't get a window seat or they're not allowed to carry on a bag that wouldn't fit under the Golden Gate Bridge, let alone in an overhead storage compartment.
5. Eat sushi. Hey, I'll try anything once. They served chocolate-covered sushi (honest injun) on our cruise. I believe it was the one and only time I said no to chocolate.
6. Wear a bikini. I guess the last time I wore one was about 12 years ago; I just felt the time (and the hips) had come to leave it to the younger ladies. But, there are always a few who, I have to believe, don't own a mirror or who graduated magna cum laude from Self-Esteem University.
7. Dance in the Half-Time Show at Giants Stadium. Yes, my fifteen minutes of fame. Abridged story. Took aerobic dance classes for years. One night at class, an announcement was read that auditions were being held for non-professional dancers for a dance team. A group of us went for a giggle and, surprise, surprise, I made it. They took about 20-25 girls from various counties. I was part of the Monmouth County contingent. We performed at various venues in our county groups, but our big appearance was performing the Half-Time Show at Giants Stadium with all the NJ dancers. We actually performed at 2 Half Time shows each season for 2 years. I just found an article about the Union County group. I have some great memories from that time in my life.
8. Get drunk. How many times have you told yourself "No more" while you were suffering the nausea, headaches and cold sweats of recovering from a hangover? The last time I made this pledge was about 10 years ago and I've managed to keep it. Don't get me wrong. I'm far from a teetotaler. Margarita season is almost upon us. But I refuse to put myself through that suffering ever again.
9. Shop in a Walmart. I have only been in a Walmart once in my entire life and that was about 2 years ago. Probably the worst retail experience in my life (and I've done a LOT of shopping over the years). Filthy store, rude salespeople, rude cashiers, rude customers. Just horrible. I wrote a scathing email to their corporate headquarters detailing my experience and amazingly, I received a call back the next day, apologizing for my experience, but didn't offer me any incentive to go back. And I haven't.
10. Bowl a 257. Yes, in one game. When I was 12 years old. Looks like I peaked early.
11. Drive a moped in Bermuda. You can't rent a car in Bermuda. Mopeds are the only form of motorized transportation you can rent. We rented 2 from our resort; the resort employee gave us a quick lesson on how to accelerate and brake. I put on my helmet, feeling really cool and all ("ooh, look at me. I'm soooo cool, take my picture), started the bike up and immediately forgot everything the instructor had shown me and crashed headlong into a brick wall. I wasn't hurt (except for my bruised ego), but the front of the bike was destroyed.
12. Assume a woman is pregnant just because she's fat, and ask her when her baby is due. I have done this. Twice. Neither of them were pregnant.
13. Say Never Again!!


  1. OMG! It must have been so embarrassing asking those women if they were pregnant! There are some really funny posts today LMAO! Also, there is no stealing in blogland, it's shared creativity!

  2. chocolate covered sushi? Even if the sushi was made w/o fish, which some sushi is (just rice and veggies), I don't think chocolate would add anything to it. Hmmm...

  3. Wonderful idea for a list! I may have to borrow it sometime in the future.

  4. #12 is my biggest fear. Although your moped experience does sound pretty frightening too. And I second your WalMart feelings. We call it a cluster f**k.