Later...............

If you've been stopping by here recently, it's obvious that I've not been posting on any regular basis. It's not that I don't have things I want to write about; most mornings, while I'm putting on my make-up and driving to work, I'm usually composing a post in my head. But it rarely makes it into print. So, I've had a heart-to-heart with myself and have decided to go on sabbatical, so to speak.

I'm currently going through a medical mystery. No one has been able to definitely say why, but the general consensus is that I have some sort of auto-immune thing going on that is attacking my nerves and possibly muscles. The result is I'm in some degree of pain at all times and suffer intermittent weakness in my legs and arms. I haven't been able to get much help from "traditional" doctors, so I'm going to a doctor who has had some success with some alternative therapy. I call him my "Voodoo Doctor." It's costing us a bundle, as insurance doesn't cover most of it. That's a subject for a post: how our health care system allows the insurance companies to decide what treatments we need, no matter what a doctor says.

So, I want to thank those of you who have taken the time to stop by to see what Jersey Girl had to say. Although I won't be posting, I'm still going to be checking out what you guys are up to. And who knows? You may see Jersey Girl return, in the not too distant future, with a new look and a renewed energy.

Until then, peace.

Jersey Girl

In The Beginning

Many of the things we take for granted, I was around when they were first introduced. I thought about this after spending time with some kids who couldn't believe, at one time, you actually had to GET UP to change the tv channel.

• Videos/DVDs - The very first movie I rented was "Gone With The Wind." I remember driving home and looking at the little plastic box sitting next to me and not quite believing that I actually had a movie, let alone GWTW, in my possession.

My GWTW Story

I first saw GWTW when I was a junior in high school and my English teacher, Miss Puma (yes, Puma, like the cat), took the class to NY to see it at Radio City. Being shallow, immature 16 year olds, none of us really wanted to see it, especially when she told us it was so long, it actually had an intermission. (Anyone remember those?) We were just happy to be getting out of classes for the day. But, from the moment I heard Vivian Leigh utter the first words "Fiddle dee-dee", I was swept away to the Old South at the beginning of the Civil War. Thank you, Miss Puma, for introducing this film to me (and for getting us out of school for the day).

• Cable TV - I don't remember what movie it was, but when I heard my first "fuck" come from my tv, I was shocked. Not because I never said myself before, but I was just unprepared for it.
• Nail Salons - When I was a kid, the only people who got manicures were the wealthy. They would be located in upscale beauty parlors and spas (which was another place where only the "ladies who lunch" would get pampered, while their very important husbands made the money and screwed their secretaries, ala Mad Men). When I saw my first storefront dedicated exclusively to manis/pedis, open in my neighborhood, I thought "Yeah, right. That'll never last." Just proves that I don't know jack. (Actually I do, he's my brother. But you know what I mean).
• 8 Track Tapes = My GF, Peggy, was the first in my crowd to get one of these installed in her car. I have memories of all of us packed in her '67 Mustang, heading down the shore (we lived in North Jersey then), singing along to Neil Diamond and Carole King's "Tapestry" album which, btw, is one of the best albums ever recorded.
• Yogurt - Yes, yogurt. I'm sure yogurt had been around for 100's of years, but only weird, health food lunatics ate it. I think Dannon was the first to sell it's famous "fruit on the bottom" product in supermarkets, turning yogurt into the mainstream product it is today.

Taking Up A Collection For My Doctor

I got a call today from a collection agency. This is not the norm in Jersey Girl's household. The LSH & I aren't millionaires but, thank God, we can still pay our bills. They were calling to tell me that my account with a doctor (who I still see on a monthly basis) had been sent to them to try to get this outstanding balance paid. I had no idea I owed him anything; no one has mentioned it at my monthly appointments and I've never received a bill. And how much do I owe, you ask?

$10 F'ING BUCKS!

You can imagine my reaction. Well, maybe you can't, but I was beyond dumbfounded. I called the billing office who claimed they had been sending me bills monthly since September. I asked her to tell me the address they were mailing to and, guess what? It wasn't mine. Doesn't the post office return undeliverable mail to the sender? She said she didn't know anything about that. I said "Well, you have my phone number. Why didn't someone call?" Oh, it's not their policy. So, you send it to a collection agency? What percentage of the payment does the collection agency take? 3%?5%? I don't know, but they felt their return on investment was worth sending t to collections. I know many doctors aren't making the money they used to, but this was absurd.

I don't necessarily blame the doctor. I doubt he's very involved when it comes to billing. But, you can bet he'll be hearing an earful from me at my next appointment.

Exit 117

If you live in what is known in this region as the Tri-State area, I'm positive you have asked this question. You meet someone; they say they're from Jersey; the next question inevitably is "What exit?" I assume that's because to get just about anywhere in this state, you will travel on the NJ Turnpike and/or the Garden State Parkway.

Sunday's edition of the Asbury Park Press asked an interesting question: Does NJ need an image makeover? NJ has always been picked on by late-night hosts and comedians. I assume it has something to do with NOT being New York. Surprisingly, a recent Fairleigh-Dickensen poll showed that 60% of viewers of the show "Jersey Shore" had a positive image of the state versus 44% of non-viewers.

I think the ability to laugh at oneself is a great quality and that's one thing we Jerseyans have. Of course, there's always a few fuddy-duds who have NO sense of humor at all and get their pants all in a twist about the"image" being portrayed of our state on TV. When the Sopranos was on, we had the Italian-Americans up in arms because it portrayed NJ Italians as members of the Mafia. Well, let's face it. Some of them are. I've known a few in my day.

I used to own a travel agency in a town heavily populated by Italians. Every year this group of 4 men would come in to book their annual golf outing. One of them was part owner of a popular Italian restaurant known to be a mob hang-out. He always brought us veal parmigiana sandwiches. And, I admit, they sounded a lot like Tony Soprano's guys. They were very nice and extremely funny. One year, they came in, but were missing one of the guys. Naturally, I asked where he was. Without hesitation, they said he was in prison and wouldn't be able to make it this year. But they had just visited him and he was doing fine. And, sure enough, the following year, the foursome was back. BTW, I never asked why he was in jail. I figured, the less I knew, the better.

I have never seen "Jersey Shore" or the newest addition to reality in NJ, "Jerseylicious." I did catch one of the NJ Housewives episodes and, from what I've been told, it was the best. The one where they're all out to dinner with their spouses and the discussion got heated and one of the wives picks up the table and throws it over. I would like to think that most viewers of any of these reality shows are bright enough to realize that the people on them have to be outrageous. Isn't that why we watch? Honestly, how many people would watch a show about a group of young people who rented a shore house and spent the day reading the Bible and watching "Little House On The Prairie" repeats?

So, all in all, I think we Garden Staters should embrace these images being portrayed today on tv. I agree with an interviewee mentioned in the article. Instead of fighting it, maybe even promoting the images as the land of interesting and different people: "Come to Jersey. You have to see it to believe it!" Fughetaboutit!

BTW, if you're interested in seeing a bit of real NJ, check out this post from last year

Google This

A few months ago, I posted about how amazed I was to find the diverse locations around the world that some of my readers are from. Now I've been checking out HOW some people find my blog, usually when they google something. Some of them make sense:

Tiffany Blue - This seems to be the most googled phrase that brings folks here, but I'm really not sure why. I googled it and went through at least 6 pages and didn't find any reference to this blog.

Here's To The Ladies Who Lunch - Very surprising how often this phrase is googled. It seems the majority of people who find me through this phrase are from Great Britain. Do "ladies"do lunch there more than here?

California Cows - This subject is a close second, the majority of searches for this are from California (surprise). But like the previous two, I couldn't find a link to my blog when I googled it.

I understand why the above searches link to my blog. But there were a few that not only make much sense, but also, make me ask "WTF were they really looking for?"

Svetlana Stalin Svetlana's Breath perfume buy - Google this and my post titled "Common

Scents" is referenced third. Ok, scents/perfume. I get the connection. But what was this

person looking for, a perfume that smells like Svetlana Stalin's breath?

movie pageant girl sunflowers falls in love with mortician - Google this and the first link that

appears is my post "Guilty Pleasure". I assume the person was looking for the Lifetime

movie "Elvis and Anabel", which this google, for all intents and purposes, is the movie's plot.

Except I don't know what the sunflowers reference is from.

george kurdahl his study - This one had me stumped. Google this and my "Common

Scents" post comes up third. According to Wikipedia, Mr. Kurdahi is the host of the Arab version

of Regis Philbin, hosting "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" on Arab TV.

Then I learned he had his own perfume called "GK." Does Regis know about this?

PS - I have no idea why the color of my font changed in the middle of this post and why it formatted

so weird. The Blogspot Boogie Man is on the loose again.

Random Tuesday

It's been a LONG time since I've participated in Random Tuesdays, but, as I don't have anything specific to blog about, it seems like a good time to jump back in.

I'm out on disability for a few weeks (nothing major, just a little repair & maintenance; seems as this old body ages, it's requiring more outside assistance to keep operating). But, going on disability has required me to interact with the great state of NJ in order to receive some compensation, which I have been paying into weekly for years. As I knew in advance I'd be out, my HR department worked with me to get the proper paperwork, my doctor completed his part, so everything was able to be submitted in plenty of time. Last week, I receive a letter from said department and, thinking it was a check, I remarked that this didn't take that long. But, no, there was no check. It was yet another form they wanted completed by the doctor, asking the same questions that had been submitted weeks ago. It was so absurd. On one hand, it asked what was the initial start date when, right on the top of that same form, it said "Initial Start Date: 4/7/2010." Why is government so damn inefficient??

I love to start the day reading the paper. The real paper. Not online. Being off from work has been great in that respect. I get to relax, sip my coffee, and peruse. Over the past week or so, I've seen some strange stories that have either made me smile or shake my head.

Have you heard that the Catholic Church has decided to forgive The Beatles for their evil ways all those years ago? What arrogance when you consider the scandalous behavior of so many priests that they've tried to bury for so many years.

George Washington may have not ever told a lie,but It seems he's been racking up 220 years of late fees for two books he never returned. They were due back November 2, 1789.

Did you hear about this creep who was scheduled to be executed for rape and murder? His lawyers tried to stop the execution, claiming he was allergic to the drugs the state would be using to kill him. HUH?? So he dies with a rash. BFD!!! Thank God, some judge had the sense to tell those lawyers to take a hike.

I've been cutting back on the blogging lately and I'll probably continue. There's just so many hours in a day and blogging started feeling like something I HAD to do, rather than wanted to. So, I'll continue to post, but not on a daily basis, although I'll continue to check out my fave bloggers.

One last thing. As summer nears and the roads and beaches here at the Jersey Shore fill with traffic and folks looking for their day in the sun, I have to ask: "If it's called 'tourist season,' why aren't we allowed to shoot them?" (I think you may have to live in a tourism area to really appreciate that question.)

Check out other posts at The Unmom.

Guilty Pleasure

Okay. It's time for me to come clean. I'm addicted to the Lifetime channels. And lately I've had more spare time than usual to feed my guilty pleasure. Oy! The drama. Tales of infidelity, manipulation, lying, paranoia. In a lot of these flicks, there's usually a character who seems like the nicest person, but is really some psycho who is bent on stealing your husband, your family, your life. I dare you to spend a day watching these movies and not come away able to look at your best friend without thinking that she's out to steal your spouse, your kid or, at the very least, that cheesecake recipe you refuse to share because it's the one thing you do better than anyone else and gets you invited to some parties that maybe you wouldn't be invited to, as long as you bring that cheesecake.

I used to work for Continental Airlines at Newark Airport. Every tv in every breakroom in Terminal C was always tuned to Lifetime. And, although the guys would initially complain, saying "WTF??? Why is this chick channel always on?", it didn't take more than 5 minutes before they were sucked into whatever melodrama was unfolding. The FAA issues reports regularly regarding on-time performance, for both departures and arrivals, normally citing weather and/or sheer volume as the causes. But, if they investigated a little further, they would find that many departure delays are really due to the Lifetime channel. The next time you're at your departure gate, wondering where the agents assigned to work your flight are, look no further than the nearest breakroom. You can bet the Lifetime channel is on.

There are so many classic LT movies, I can't pick a fave, but here are just a few (beware of spoilers):

Crimes of Passion: She Woke Up Pregnant - Faithful wife finds out she's preggers with another man's child. Seems her dentist would drug her and do the dirty with her during her dental appointments. Silly me. Every time the dentist asks me to open wide, I thought he was referring to my mouth.

Elvis & Anabelle - Anabelle is a shoo-in to win the Miss Texas Rose pageant until she tragically dies during the pageant. She winds up on the embalming table of Elvis, an embittered guy stuck working in the family mortuary business instead of realizing his dreams. Anabelle mysteriously returns to life before Elvis begins the embalming. Their eyes meet and , lo and behold, they fall in love. Now, that's one girl who really WAS dying to meet a guy.

My Stepson, My Lover - Need I say more?

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger - The title alone should be enough to draw you in AND the fact that it stars that fabulous actress, Tori Spelling. what more could you wish for? Probably the campiest flick of all.

BTW, the group of ladies pictured above are the "Army Wives." I was watching last night when the LSH sat down on the couch. A bit later, The B, our lovable old dog, let him know he was ready to go out and I hear the LSH say "B, just wait for the commercial." AHA! Another innocent viewer sucked into the melodrama known as Lifetime. He denies, but I was there. He's hooked.

Return From The Not Quite Dead

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated, to quote Mark Twain, if I may. Yes, it's been a tough few weeks but, I'm still standing, along with Sir Elton.

Now, when I signed on to post, I really didn't have particular topic in mind. But, while I was searching for the Poltergeist reference, I came upon some videos that are going to help me tremendously the next time I need to initiate small talk at some gathering where I don't know (like) most of the folks. I notice people sometimes say, as an ice breaker "have you seen (insert name of the latest over-hyped film at that moment). Because, for me, the answer will be invariably, no. Not that I don't enjoy movies and going to them (hell, I once took film courses offered at a local university). I just prefer watching films without all the annoying people who always decide to sit all around me, even if there are plenty of seats available around the theater.

Anyway, my thanks to "The Guy With Glasses" and all those who were inspired by him. You have done a great service for those of us who don't get out much. Get the popcorn and enjoy.

Happy Easter!!!

Sunday Morning Musings

I'm so glad it's warm enough here in Jersey to open the windows. I WASN'T so glad to lose an hour's sleep last weekend, but, because we did, I've been able to witness some great sunrises this past week.



I also love the fact that I can open up the sport section every morning and read about baseball again. Our tickets came this week for the games we ordered so far. When you buy any tickets online now, you can either print them yourself or have them mailed. I avoid printing myself, if there's time. I want to have a ticket stub left after the event. A ticket stub is a memory. Somehow a wrinkled piece of paper doesn't do it for me. Also, you have to pay for the privilege of printing the ticket yourself. Anyway, I wish I had saved my stubs from so many of the concerts I've attended: Santana @ Asbury Park Convention Hall (early 70's), Grand Funk Railroad at, believe it or not, some ice skating rink in South Jersey, Janis Joplin and Chicago Transit Authority (before they became just Chicago), both who appeared at my college. I just didn't realize, at the time, what memories these would be. I read a quote from Patti Smith's book, describing being in a room with Kris Kristofferson, singing "Me and Bobby McGee" for Janis Joplin, "I was there for these moments, but so young and preoccupied with my own thoughts that I hardly recognized them as moments." Unfortunately, that describes me too.

Speaking of quotes, I happened to catch this one recently. Mandy Moore was spokesperson Cervical Health Awareness Month. Her quote: "I didn't even know what the cervix was." Am I wrong to think a 25 year old girl, married at that, should know this?

Since I've gotten on the subject of quotes, may I share a few sports related quotes. It seems Yogi has company when it comes to memorable remarks:

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
- Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins
"All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster (I love Ralph, but I just had to include this.)
"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!"
- Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer
“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” -Matt Stairs San Diego Padres Right-Fielder
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
-Metro Radio, College Football
Gotta end with a Yogi-ism:
"Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the street."

How true, how true.

Happy St Pat's Day

Hope this makes your Irish (and not so Irish) eyes smile!

Beam Me Up, Scotty

I am not, and never have been a trekkie (NOT that there's anything wrong with that). But I have used this line many times during my life and, perhaps, never more than the past few weeks. It just seemed that there was, how should I say it, an overabundance of inane activity and strange conversations that I found myself involved in, particularly at the office.

It began with a butt-naked man (actually it wasn't just his butt), a TOTALLY naked man running around our parking lot, mumbling some indecipherable rhetoric. Unfortunately, I didn't think to snap his pic; I think I was just not believing what my eyes were beholding. When I realized that it was, indeed, a fat, tattooed man, I thought one of my co-workers finally had snapped under the pressure. I don't know how this story ended. The police were summoned, but I think the Monday Morning Streaker had already moved on (hopefully, to warmer climes).

I know it's said that there is no such thing as a dumb question. BULL HOCKEY!! Dumb questions are asked all the time. And, I must admit, I've uttered some stupid things myself. When I come upon a co-worker's cube, decorated with balloons (some which may actually say "Happy Birthday) and automatically, the first thing out of my mouth is "Oh, is it your birthday?" I just can't seem to stop myself. I'm waiting for a sarcastic reply such as "no, I just have a desperate need for attention," or some such thing. I'd totally deserve it; I guess my co-workers aren't as snarky as I am.

So, I want to share a few of the brilliant exchanges I've had this past week. I actually printed some of them out so I wouldn't forget them. These first two were part of convos on out interoffice IM system:

IT GUY: It looks like she entered this using our codes and she should have used the customer's codes (Author's note: We rarely use the customer's codes for this situation).

ME: How will we know when a customers' code has to be entered instead of ours?

IT GUY: JUST KNOW.

Thanks. You've been very helpful.

I'm sure you've all had to call Help desks when IT issues arise. Our Help desk is in Alpharetta, GA, a truly lovely area of our country. (My ex was going to be transferred to Atlanta, so his company flew me down there a few times to go house-hunting. I found my dream home, surrounded by horse farms, quite an idyllic setting. Then, the company lost the account that was in Atlanta. So, good-bye, dream house. But, I digress.) So, help desk is in GA. We're in NJ. We MUST call the help desk, so they can create a ticket to forward on to a tech that is sitting approximately 100 feet away from me. No lie. Normally my conversation with them goes like this:

ME: Hi. This is Kathy H in RB, user id#_____, phone#--------. I can't print on Printer 20. You need to contact Joe B. I know he's in because I just had coffee with him in the kitchen.

IT GUY IN GA: Ticket#54954. Thanks, y'all!

I had called the "Report Your Problem And Tell Us Who Can Resolve It" desk about an issue. After 20 minutes the RYPATUWCRI" guy called back and said he contacted the tech, whose recommendation, after giving it much deep thought, was to tell me to "just reboot." Now, I don't have a diploma from Billy Bob's School of Computer Science and Truck Driving, but, even my 3 year old niece knows enough to reboot when Dora The Explorer stops exploring. So I sent an IM to the tech dow the hall:

ME: Our problem here needs more than a reboot to fix this (you lazy slob; can u tell I do not get along with this lazy slob)? This issue was reported yesterday and we're still having the same problem?

LAZY SLOB IT GUY: Who resolved it yesterday?

ME: (Yay! Another chance to be snarky!) Obviously no one. Otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my time with you.

Email between me and one of our salesmen:

ME: I got the order you sent. But line 16 is blank. How many do they want?

SALESGUY: That was sent to me directly from another person, different department.

Thanks for sharing. So, how many do they want?????

And, the best one yet, on a fax coversheet:

IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE THIS FAX, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

Is there room for one more, Captain Kirk?

Weekly Wrap-Up

It's been a hell of a week here in Jersey Girl land. 12 more inches of snow & office deciding that a foot of snow was no reason to close the office. I had prayed that the Governor would take the decision out of these thoughtless people's hands and declare a state of emergency, but, no. The end of month is a critical time for us and may have played into their decision. But we had assumed the office would be closed on Friday and I was prepared with everything I would need to work from home. We learned at 6:30AM Friday that the office would be open and my boss went in. Not only did I not go in, but none of my staff showed up either. The boss was not happy. I really don't care what he thinks. No job is worth endangering yourself.

We also met our new CEO this past week. He spoke for about 30 minutes to our group and shared a bit about how he works and what he expects. He likes things done fast. He actually said it was better to be fast than accurate because you can always go back and fix your mistakes later. Huh? The next time my boss points out a mistake I've made, I now can say "Yeah, but I screwed it up quick, didn't I?" This guy was previously CEO of a large, multi-national company who was fired in December for poor performance. Not one of my friends who was laid off from my company in August has gotten a new job. And, yet, he managed to get himself another 7 figure job in less than 2 months. What is wrong with this picture?

The LSH had knee surgery a few weeks back and has been getting PT 3 times a week. He was scheduled to return to work tomorrow; however, during PT on Thursday, he was doing lunges when there was a pop. Now he's out for at least 3 more weeks and the doctor is not ruling out more surgery. He's been out longer with this quicky knee repair than I was last year after major surgery. I swear, he's slipping the doc a little $$ to keep him out of work. Can you tell I'm a bit envious?

You Can Breathe Again

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath. (BTW, what IS bated breath? Did I even spell it right?) I decided on this tote bag (for starters). Very traditional. You might even say "classic." (Is this starting to sound like a J. Peterman ad?) I even stepped up and got it monogrammed.

Of course, while I was there, I picked up this little cutie (small, in the navy blue and kelly green combo, also monogrammed).

THEN, I went over to E-Bags and picked up this FABULOUS little something to schlep my sustenance to work. No more brown baggin' for me, baby.

God, I'm going to be so organized and put-together, I hope they still recognize me at work.

I have a hang-up about my age. A few months ago, I admitted my age on this blog (and, no, I'm not going to link to it; if you're THAT interested, do the work and find it yourself). I just have a hard-time believing that I'm THIS age. But, no matter how much I try not to think about it, once in awhile, there are days when there is no avoiding it. Yesterday was one of those days.

At the request of my doctor, I was visited by an employee of a home healthcare company to be set up with one of these. My doctor recommended a sleep study which might shed some light on as to why I'm so tired. The study showed that I stop breathing for significant amounts of time during the night, which prevents me from getting to that REM stage where we get our most restful sleep. Also it puts me at a higher risk for strokes or heart attacks.

BUT....isn't this supposed to be for fat, old men who snore loud enough to wake the neighbors? Of course, the nice man who brought me this contraption tried to re-assure me that people of any age can suffer from sleep apnea and that he has patients in their 20's. Sorry, that still didn't make me feel any better.

I fought this for over a year, but my doc said she wouldn't take my complaints of tiredness seriously until I tried this machine. Then she let me read the report that stated how often I stop breathing and, ok, it scared me enough to give in.

I made a half-hearted attempt to use it last night, but got so frustrated with it, I gave up. But, would you believe that there's a data card in the machine that actually records how often I use it, which the insurance company will ask for every few months to confirm that I'm being a good girl and doing what I'm told.

I guess I should be looking at the bright side and be grateful that they have these machines available nowadays. But can you just picture how sexy I look and feel with this mask?? But, hey, somebody must have thought Darth Vader was sexy, right? RIGHT?

I Need To Decide To Make A Decision

I do a lot of shopping online and I'm pretty good finding great deals, if I do say so myself. Friends sometimes ask me to see if I can find them some deal or promo code for specific things and I'd say I'm successful 90% of the time.

Currently my search is for something pretty simple, a tote bag. Not a purse, but more of a shopping tote. Not to really use for shopping, but more to tote things to work. I'm not havng a hard time finding them online, but I'm having a hard time choosing one. I can only compare it to when you're dating and you meet this great guy or gal who seems perfect for you, your family and friends love them and yet, you're reluctant to commit, just in case there's someone "better" out there. For some reason, I can't commit to one tote bag. I keep thinking that as soon as I buy one, I'll see another I like better.

It's ridiculous, when I think about it. I mean, it's not a big-ticket item. If I get one and then see another I like, I could certainly buy another. The other night I got as far as entering my credit card info on one site, but I just couldn't hit the "buy" button.

I mean, anything has got to be an improvement over the green Stop & Shop reusable bag that I'm currently toting to work.

I think I need counseling.

Is This One Of Those "Why Didn't I Think Of That" Moments?

One question?

Why bacon???

http://www.jdfoods.net/products/mmmvelopes.php

Why CAN'T You Kill Them? Office Edition

THE SET-UP: Last August, my company underwent a "reorganization" and for one horrible week, each day, people lost their jobs. Of course, the responsibilities of those laid off were divvied up among those remaining. Except for me. I was handed all the responsibilities AND the staff of one of the eliminated positions, while maintaining all the responsibilities of my current position. And, of course, management expected that none of these balls would be dropped. Well, I don't think I had "juggling" mentioned as one of my talents on my resume. The reason upper management had these unrealistic expectations is because they have no idea what we do. FACT: I have worked for this company in the same department for over 6 years. I'm on the third floor; the VP of my division (and the person who made these decisions) has his office on the second. I am not lying when I say that I have never met him. I may have ridden the elevator with him, but who knows.

THE STORY: We normally are reviewed and receive raises each July, but, like most companies, not last year. So, recently, in a show of good faith, we were told we would be receiving a small raise and, if business improves, another in July. A few weeks ago, the director of my department and the person I directly report to, called me in to his office to officially tell me of my raise, apologizng that it couldn't be more. I said I understood, but I was hoping that, when the company gets back on track, that my position would be looked at again and I would be compensated appropriately for basically, taking on two full-time positions. His response:

"Back. before the lay-offs, during meetings deciding the re-structuring, the general consensus was that the supervisory position that I "inherited", was never really needed. That my position and this other supervisory position, should have been combined." Did you get that? The full-time supervisor position that they paid someone for over 7 years a supervisors' salary, bonuses AND benefits, was never necessary. How convenient to come to that realization, now that you dropped the whole kit and kaboodle in my lap. But wait! That's not what happened. When I mentioned this, his reply was "Oh, this wasn't decided at the time of the re-organization. It was the opinion of management for a few years." What? They decided this years ago, but continued to keep paying someone to do a job that they decided was not necessary? I said something to the effect that no wonder we're in financial trouble. I think he then realized how his explanation sounded and tried to backpedal a little. But, he was having a difficult time making any sense. It sounded familiar to me. In fact, he actually sounded a lot like this:

I let him know that "sorry, you haven't convinced me." And that there was a certain MLB team that he would fit right in with.

Men, You Can't Live With Them. Why CAN'T You Kill Them?

Before I begin my rant, I have to finally admit to myself that, at least for the time being, I'm going to be mostly a weekend blogger. My job is draining every last ounce of energy from me that, during the week, it's just getting harder to find time to blog. I had to remind myself that I started this blog mainly for myself (although I'm very happy some of you have come along for the ride), and it's not supposed to be something I HAVE to do, but something I want to do. So, I hope you won't forget about me and still stop by now and then. I may drop a post or two during the week, if I'm motivated enough and I'll definitely be still checking out your spots.

Anyway, on to today's story. My husband, the LSH, had knee surgery on Monday. He's doing very well, thanks. Although he had the surgery Monday, he's actually been out of work on disability for a month. His being home has allowed what is probably my biggest peeve about him, rise back up to the surface. He will NOT do anything that would be considered housework, unless I TELL him. This has been going on since we first moved in together many moons ago. And, when he DOES some chore that I requested him to do and I don't mention it, he'll say "Did you see I vacuumed?" Uh, yes. Did you see when I vacuumed the 500 times previously? And he has since learned NOT to say "I did the laundry for YOU." When he would say that, my response was "Oh, you only washed MY clothes?" He got that point pretty quick.

When I'm really annoyed about this, I'll say "Can't you see the dog's biscuit crumbs all over the floor? How 'bout that green stuff growing in the shower? Unless,maybe you forgot to tell me you're growing your own penicillin?" His response is "I don't notice these things." How convenient his eyes can filter out the mess around him. Yesterday, put me over the top. I came in from work. He's sitting at the kitchen table and I see red blotches on the floor near the sink. My first thought was that it might be blood; maybe the dog had cut his paw. As I walked over to it I said "Oh, what's this red stuff?" And, without even looking up, he says, "oh, it's liquid from some strawberries I opened before." WHAT? You knew you had spilt this and left it there? He looked at me sheepishly, but he didn't answer.

I've approached this various ways with him. I know psychologists say, instead of just saying what's getting on your nerves, you should explain how it makes you feel. One of the things the LSH does that fits into this category is when he gets himself something to eat, he inevitably will leave whatever plates, glasses, utensils he used, in the sink. So, I've taken this approach. "When you leave your dishes in the sink, I FEEL like you believe it's my job to clean up after you." There. Didn't I present that perfectly? No accusations, no whining. Just a simple statement of how I feel. Has it helped? NOT A DAMN BIT!

Don't get me wrong. He's very handy around the house, when the mood suits him. He's just not motivated.

I was planning on starting this post earlier, but I had to vacuum, do the dishes, put the laundry in. Where's the LSH? In the bedroom, watching "Twister" for the 88th time. I was going to tell him that , you know, the ending isn't going to be any different then it was the previous 87 times he saw it. But, hey. Why spoil the suspense?

POSTSCRIPT: I really do love him.

TOMORROW: The Other Man In My Life That Drives Me Insane - My Boss

COMMERCIAL BREAK

I hope to get a post in today, but in the meantime, I have to share this. I gotta admit, those Brits make some great commercials.

NOTE: ALL ANIMAL LOVERS (LIKE MYSELF): DO NOT BE ALARMED AT THE MIDDLE PART; ALL TURNS OUT WELL)!

The Best Things In Life Are............

free, they say. Well, there are a few things I'm loving right now and, though, for the most part, they weren't free, I'd like to share. (NOTE: I'm in no way endorsing any of these things, nor am I being paid to write about them (unfortunately).



This stuff is amazing and a real god-send for someone who hates to iron like moi. Honestly, is there anyone who really enjpys it?



This mascara from the French cosmetics company, Bourjois, was recommended to me by a salesgirl, who couldn't have been more than 20 years old, in my local Ulta store. She was so enthusiastic and just so gosh-darn sweet that, even though it was a bit pricey for me at $17, I gave it a try. It's claim is that it will make it appear that you're wearing eye liner and give you that doe-eyed look. And it didn't disappoint. Another product that does what it says it will do. Love when that happens.
BTW, while we're talking make-up, I've been selected to be a part of a "Beauty Panel" being organized by J&J to exchange thoughts and ideas and try new products and give my opinions. But they're really serious about this. I had to agree to never give the website address to anyone, share my password or discuss anything that I become privy to with anyone. Who knew the beauty world took itself so seriously?


Her name is Patti Scialfa. For those who don't know, her married name is Springsteen. She's a member of the E Street Band, but she is one hell of a singer/songwriter herself. When her first solo CD, Rumble Doll, was released in '93, I admit, I bought it out of curiosity. After listening to it just once, I became a fan. Maybe because we're about the same age, but the images and feelings she puts into words resonate so true to me. She has since released two other CDs and there isn't a bad track on any of them.


Oh baby tell me stories
About those pretty worlds
Who will deliver us from blame
Who will walk free
Who will walk in chains
And when the sky is falling
What do we believe in
When everything we learned to trust
Turns around and makes a fool of us

But baby I still believe in all of loves glory
I gave that promise to the rain
I'm not afraid to stumble
Baby I can fall

Oh my tender dreams
I gave them such fragile wings and
I sent them up to heaven
But heaven was just too high
And I watched them falter against the sky

But baby I still believe in all of loves glory
I gave that promise to the rain
I'm not afraid to stumble
Baby I can fall

Oh i I could I'd play out my part
I'd cup my hands and
I'd collect the rain that falls inside your heart
But I can't stop the rain
I can't hold back the thunder
Oh but I can make one vow
and promise you my heart right now

'Cause baby I believe in all of loves glory
And no one's gonna talk me down
I'm not afraid to stumble
Baby I can fall
I'm not afraid to stumble
Baby I can fall
I'm not afraid to stumble
Baby I can fall

Artist: Patti Scialfa
Title: Loves Glory

My fingers are tired now. I'll try to post Part Two tomorrow.

Who Are You?

In the last 24 hours, I've had visitors to my blog from, among other places:

LAS VEGAS (where The Flamingo Hotel was named after Bugsy Siegel's girlfriend's legs and it's illegal to pawn your dentures)
SURREY, BRITISH COLUMBIA (1/3 of the population is under 18; home to Canada's kabaddi stadium, which is some team sport where someone called a raider has to fight his way through the opposing team to try and get back to his tram, all the while holding his breath; honest)
BUENOS AIRES (twice) (known as Paris of South America; Aristotle Onassis started out washing dishes in a cafe here when he was 23)
OAK RIDGE, TENNEESEE (hometown of Megan Fox and the fastest supercomputer in the world)
LONDON, ENGLAND (okay, I know you've heard of London, but did you know that the British eat twice as many beans as Americans?)
VADODARA, GUJARAT (the 18th largest city in India and home of the oldest cricket ground in Asia)
BILBAO, PAIS VASCO (the largest city in the Basque Region of Spain; featured in a scene in the James Bond film "The World Is Not Enough)
PORI, FINLAND (big college town & home of an annual jazz fest where Steely Dan has performed)
MONSELICE, VENETO (60 kms from Venice; market day is every Monday)
EUFAULA, OK (POPULATION:2639; County Seat of McIntosh County)
SPRING, TX (20 miles north of Houston; hometown of Josh Beckett, Boston Red Sox pitcher; IS THAT YOU, JOSH?)
CRAVLOVA, DOLJ (Romania's 6th largest city, known for its cheap taxi fares)

Ok, you lurkers. I took the time to find out a bit about you. Now it's your turn to introduce yourselves. Leave a comment. I dare you!

Miscellany On My Mind

Driving home from work Friday night, I saw the light............. the dreaded "Check Engine" light. Question to the auto manufacturers out there:
"Can you be any MORE vague?" (must say this like Chandler Bing). I mean, the last time I looked, the engine had, like, a zillion parts. And, for some reason, I have always hated getting my car serviced. So much so that, when I was much younger and a tad more immature, I blew up the engine in my MR2 because I never had the oil checked. I even hate stopping for gas. And here in Jersey, we don't pump our own gas. We have slaves to do that. Anyway, I took a guess that I needed to get the oil changed, which I did yesterday and the light is now out.

I've read all the Twilight books, but had not seen any of the films, so I had only seen photos of Robert Pattinson and honestly, he did nothing for me. However, I watched Twilight last night and I am now officially a member of Team Edward. So, I was wrong. Bite me.

Why is it, when I get angry, the person telling me to calm down, is usually the person who pissed me off in the first place?

I wish we could somehow collect the gas my dog emits and use it, instead of natural gas, to heat our house. Actually, we could probably heat the entire neighborhood.

My new favorite thing is chocolate-covered pretzels. I received a gift basket for Christmas from a client. It included a large Pennsylvania Dutch pretzel dipped in Godiva chocolate. Sooooo good!

My husband works for the town we live in. The town is self-insured, meaning they have an outside company oversee the administration of it and the town pays the claims once approved by this outside company. My husbad has been seeing an out-of-network doctor for the last year. He has to pay $100 each visit and then submit a claim to the insurance company to be re-imbursed $80 per visit. We haven't received reimbursement for the last six months. Come to find out that all the claims have been approved and sent to the town for payment. However, the town doesn't have the money to pay all the claims they have. How do they get away with this? I'm outraged.

I learned a new word this week: Brobdingnagian,which means "of tremendous size." How have I gotten to this age and never heard this word before?

I have owned a ZUNE, Microsoft's version of the I-Pod, for 3 years and still have no idea how to download music to it. It doesn't come with an instruction manual. I've looked online, but, I'm hopeless when it comes to following instructions for all these electronic gadgets that have become part of every day living now. Anyone have a 10 year old I can borrow to help me with this?

I Love Ellen and Dennis

I don't have much time to spend on the blog right now, but just so you know I'm still around, now and then, when I don't have time. I'll probably post a video or something that I find humorous. I hope you do too.

I've been a fan of Ellen DeGeneres for years. With work every weekday, I don't get to see her show very often. But I found this video from today's show. I just love these "Candid Camera" type jokes. And I also love Dennis Quaid. He was a good sport to participate.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show: The place for Ellen tickets, celebrity photos, videos, games, giveaways and more.

Life Is Hot Chocolate

I heard from someone over the weekend. I wouldn't even really call her a friend. At least, not anymore. We knew each other through a mutual friend about 10 years ago, but, as often happens, we drifted. We were both divorced and we remarried the same year. The gentleman she married was (and is) very wealthy. Over time (not that long a time) I saw that wealth change what was a sweet, caring person into a selfish, thoughtless egomaniac. It was an astonishing transformation. And not a pretty one.
She honestly seemed to believe that the money made her better than everyone. She quickly forgot what it was like to have to earn an income, take care of a home, the normal daily grind that the majority of us have to face most days.

I hadn't heard from her in quite awhile and that was fine by me, as we really don't have much in common anymore. So I was surprised to hear from her and curious as to why. And I still don't know why she called.

After the initial greetings and the "OMGs! What a surprise", I continued the conversation like, I believe, most of us would, by asking "So, how are you?" And that was it. She just prattled on about her "problems," such as having to travel with her husband to the Far East (he likes her with him when he travels on business), which caused her to miss some society event that was, according to her, the "event of the year." And now, she HAS to go to their villa in FL, which she hates, because of some decorating "disaster."

Maybe, some of you reading this think I'm just jealous. Maybe, when I was much younger, yes. And, don't get me wrong, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I wouldn't give the money back. But, the entire time I was listening to her, I just thought "can she be that self-centered not to know that there are millions who would trade their problems for "hers?"

Anyway, after the call, I started thinking about something I read awhile ago. So I searched the internet and found it again. I wish I had a way to send this to her. But, then again, it would probably go right over her head.

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at
a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired.
During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives.

Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a
large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups — porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking,
some expensive, some exquisite. He then told them all to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they each had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:

"Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress."

"The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate.
In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink."

"What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup
... but you consciously went for the BEST cups."

"And then you began eyeing each other's cups."

"Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups.
They are just tools to hold and contain life."

"The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate."

The happiest people don't need the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything that they have.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
And enjoy your hot chocolate!!

~Author Unknown

Closet Queen

Even though I proved my theory a few weeks ago that cleaning house is bad for your health when I threw my back out vacuuming, I decided that, having the day off, I would tackle a chore I had been delaying for a long time - cleaning out the linen closet. This closet, actually, held very few linens. It had become a "I don't know what to do with it, so I'll put it in here" closet.

It's amazing what I learn about myself when I clean out a closet. First, I am in love with the travel sizes of EVERYTHING. Every time I go away, whether it's for a long weekend or a two week journey, I head to my local Harmon's and buy up everything they have that comes in travel-size. Shampoos, conditioners, toothpaste, mouthwash, hairspray, styling gel, facial cleanser, lotions, polish remover, astringent, deodorant, sewing kits (which I have yet to ever use), purse-size tissue packs, purse-size toilet paper, Purel. I could have a garage sale and just sell what I have of this stuff and be able to retire.

I also have a HUGE stash of shampoos, conditioners, soaps, lotions, shower caps, mouthwash from every hotel I have stayed in over the last 25 years. Why do I feel the need to take this stuff home? I'm always overjoyed when housekeeping restocks the bathroom during our stay. Now I know why we've been charged overweight bag fees on the way home. For most people, their bags are heavier with treasures they've purchased for themselves and their loved ones; not me, I'm stocked up with toiletries that I will never use in 100 years (if I even had that long left).

There were things in this closet that brought back memories that I've tried so hard to forget. Bad memories. Like the Fleet enema and left-over shit (a very appropriate noun) that I had to drink for a colonoscopy. Why the hell was I saving that, you may ask. Just don't ever piss me off and you won't have to worry about it.

So, the closet is finally neat and organized. But, I'm a bit nervous. You know how you keep something around forever; then, right after you decide to throw it out, you find a need for it? I threw out that enema.

Sunday Night Giggle

Just got home from a niece & nephew's birthday party. Don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to share this. I never had seen it before. I hope it makes you laugh as much as it did me.

Looking For A Sole Mate

I know we've all heard that 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. But what about socks and their mates? Has anybody looked into this? Because, if my laundry is any example, there are a LOT of single socks out there. And it seems to affect all sock ethnic backgrounds - the knee-his, the sweatsocks, the argyles, even the cute, little anklets.

Is there a Match.com for single socks? If there is, I have a few lonely socks looking for a mate that I would like to help out.




You can just tell by the teddy bear, that this young lady has a very youthful outlook on life. She is looking for someone who loves to snuggle.



This casual guy is happiest when he's matched with a pair of comfortable, basic jeans. Those into designer labels need not apply.



There's only one baseball team for this gal. Anyone interested in hooking up must be able to withstand major mood swings, based on how well her team is doing and not be offended by foul language. And, if they're out of play-off contention by the All-Star break, you might as well forget any thoughts you may have had about enjoying a wonderful summer together. now, on the other hand, if her team is doing well, you're probably going to find yourself getting very lucky, very often. AND, if, by chance, they win the World Series, buddy, you have no idea what this girl can do.



This guy is known as a trouser sock and does best when he's in an office setting. Not to say he's all work and no play (he'll occasionally show up with a casual khaki). But, overall, you'll need to be creative to get him away from the office.



Most of time, this gal likes to be active. You'll normally find her hanging out in an athletic shoe, maybe playing tennis, working out at the gym. However, she'll slow down sometimes and just take a walk and even just hang around the house, keeping a chilly foot warm.

If you do an internet search, you'll see there are plenty of different theories as to where the socks go. Here's an exclusive video of a sock making its escape: