Thursday Thirteen

Gee, it's Thursday already. Where does the time go? Anyway, my TT today is 13 quotes from that late, great funnyman, George Carlin. Yes, he was irreverent, but extremely insightful. Not only did he make me laugh, he made me think. I didn't agree with his thoughts all the time, but, no matter what, I liked the way his mind worked.
If you're going to continue to read this, please remember that Mr. Carlin didn't give a rat's ass what people thought of him and so, some people may be offended by some of these quotes. My intention is not to offend, just to share the wisdom and humor of, IMHO, a comedy genius.

1. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
2. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
3 . Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
4. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
5 . Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
6 . The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
7. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans
8. What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
9. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
10. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
11. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
12. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
13. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.